Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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