That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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