My sheets look like a crime scene.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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