At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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