I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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