im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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