she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
