Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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