I wish you could order shots online.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
