I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
