he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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