Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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