I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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