i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
