He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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