She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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