I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
