hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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