I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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