I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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