She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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