I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
