you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
