I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
