honey bunches of taint.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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