dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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