Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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