Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
