can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
