You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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