So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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