Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
