She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You work out of a Hotel?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
