i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
