goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
