remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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