Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
