my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
