Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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