i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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