suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
