My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
