Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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