Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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