haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
