You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
