Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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