if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
