I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
