Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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