Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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