You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
