another moral hangover. fuck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have fence marks all over my body
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
