My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
